Cannot understand why

So I’ve finally got the yucky sickness that I felt creeping around in my body. It started out as a wine hangover (I know, super classy. How proud I am to write that…) and has lasted for three days now. Yet, I’m not still hungover of course. That just weakened my system enough to let the sickness take over. Now I can feel that my sinuses are plugged. I have the usual sinus headache thing going on. I’m sure I would feel better if it wasn’t so dry in my apartment and if I finally got my medicine back on track for a couple of regular weeks. I had a bit of a problem getting this month’s pituitary medicine, which has actually screwed with me a lot. I don’t know why I should be so surprised about it. I need them for a reason. Yet, sometimes it is easy to forget why I do because I’ve never actually seen my own tumor. (I think that may be the first time I’ve used a possessive term for it.)

I sort of had an argument with my grandpa today. My mom and I were visiting him for Christmas and he started saying something about how when I get married my husband will be my boss. Of course I told him that would never happen. (I think my grandpa is starting to get a little crazy in his old age, btw. I thought he was joking, but clearly he was serious about this.) After a couple of minutes of going back and forth he then said it would be in my marriage vows to obey my husband so I’d have to do it. I replied that this wasn’t true because people write their own marriage vows all of the time. He replied, “We’ll it’s in the Bible. If you believe in the Bible you have to believe in it.” My mom interrupted us at this time, thank goodness. It’s hard for me to believe that he really thought this, but I think he did. I know I wasn’t supposed to argue with him (and my mom told me scolded me for it later because it will “raise his blood pressure”) but I couldn’t just sit and let him tell me that. His opinion is wrong on so many levels and goes against a few basic fundamental principles of mine. I don’t think he is very proud of me for not being married and for getting a Master’s degree in English and still be going on for more education. I’m not really sure how to handle situations with him, actually. Yet, that’s one of the problems I have with religious people. I know his opinion is pretty extreme, but others do agree with him and I just cannot understand why.

labyrinth of education

I’ve had break for almost a week now and I still haven’t gotten the time I need to crash and recharge, which will be totally crucial for me. By crashing I mean at least one day maybe two where all I do is rest. Stay in bed all day and for once don’t feel guilty about it. I haven’t had one of these days in a long time, and as much as I pretend to not need them, I totally do once and a while. It’s the two speeds concept. In order for me to run at my normal high speed, I need to also take a few moments at my low speed. I can feel myself getting sick. I think I’m due for the flu soon and I really need to get over that before Christmas festivities begin, which is only a week from yesterday and I have nothing wrapped. I almost have everything bought, at least, and I usually have a long list including nephews, boyfriends, and roommates.

I did something totally worthwhile or totally crazy (and often those are not mutually exclusive–at least for me). Next semester, along with writing my thesis and finishing my Master’s degree, I will be taking another class to become a certified nursing assistant! That will be the first step of my nursing education, and it’s also crucial to getting into a BSN program. (I’m really looking into the U of Wyoming and UND although, but I’m for sure on taking an accelerated BSN program. It just makes the most sense for me. Unless I some how magically get free credit somewhere else.) It will be a busy semester for me. A couple of times I will be getting off work at 11pm and being at class by 8am, but I’ll be okay, mostly because I just want to do this. (Thank you mom and dad for financing my crazy dreams of a labyrinth of education.)

Other than that I’m just waiting for my grades to come in from last semester. I’ve just checked and I already have at least one A.

12 Bars of Christmas (Second Annual)

Yesterday I had two great adventures. Since there is not much ice, and since it hasn’t snowed in quite a while, my boyfriend and I biked around the lake again. It was a lot of fun, although pretty cold and windy. My feet especially were quite cold and I was a little bit afraid of getting frostbite on my toes. They were one of the only parts of my body that I could actually feel the cold. The other part was my forehead. When we went through the state park, we approached my cold toes creatively. I took my shoes off, put plastic (dog shit!) bags on my feet, and then put my bagged feet back in my shoes. My feet were still cold for the rest of the ride, but I think the bags did help the wind from reaching my feet and at least my feet didn’t get any colder. When I was finally able to take my shoes off in the warmth of my apartment, I couldn’t believe how badly my feet hurt. Yet, being able to bike around the Lavinia neighborhood and dream about housing possibilities with my favorite person in the world made the cold worth it.

The other part of the day I went to the second annual 12 Bars of Christmas. I didn’t drink at all of the bars because I knew if I did I would most definitely be puking or passed out on the floor. But At each bar I did drink something even if it was a glass of water. I think I ended up drinking alcohol at 7/12 bars, and that’s why it’s good that this occasion only comes around once a year. I was able to see people that I haven’t hung out with in some time and that was lovely!

I’m sure you are wondering if I was tragically hungover this morning, and I’m very happy to tell you that I wasn’t. I slept in until about 10 and tandem-biked to Subway for the traditional Subway Brunch that is crucial to 12 Bar recovery. Then this afternoon I worked a shift at the library where I completed the Comprehensive Exam I’ve been working on for a while. I’m totally done with homework and work for the semester. I don’t have to work again until the 6th (and I still get paid) and I only have 1 class, 1 thesis, and 2 exams left until graduation. I pretty much rock.

Pleased

I’m proud to tell you I was one of the only two people to turn in their papers in class last night (out of a class of 15). No extensions here! I had a pretty long day though. 8 hours of working on my paper + 4 hours of class + a 4 mile run. Yet, I feel really great about it. This is what I have left to do before I graduate (with my MASTERS in English at the age of 23…):

- 8 pages + 5 pages left of Creative Non Fiction
- The English Language (3 credits)
-5 pages x 3
-50 pages (at least) of Thesis
-Thesis defense.

Yay! That’s not very much at all. I’m pretty pleased.

Also, there is another thing I’m pleased about that I keep on forgetting to post. I got hair feathers put in! After much consideration, I decided to join the trend. What really got me into it was my friend Lyla. She has the most beautiful feathers in, and she always reminds me that hair matters. So alas, I spent a wonderful afternoon at the salon a couple of weeks ago.

Notice no glasses. I still don’t feel like they are a part of my face.

A Marathon of Writing

I just got off of work and I’m drinking apple juice while waiting for my boiled (farm) eggs to get done (the correct way). Tomorrow I have a 10-15 page paper due that I’m only 2 1/2 pages into (and most of which I think is kind of garbage). I’ll wake up early and write, write, write. It will be a marathon of writing, but it will be worth it because after I present my paper, one of my classes will be done! So, while I’m a little worried that my procrastination is really getting quite out of control, I can see the light ahead. I’m sure I can finish my paper in time (4pm). I’m making a case that proves The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin is inspired by transcendental writings.

I can’t believe how long it has been since I’ve updated my reading list here. Here are the books I’ve read since the last list:

-The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis
-The Magician’s Nephew by C. S. Lewis
-The Horse and His Boy by C. S. Lewis
-Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer
-The Doors of Perception and Heaven and Hell by Aldous Huxley
-Prince Caspian by C. S. Lewis

As you can tell I’m on a Narnia kick. This is my first time reading the series and I’m enjoying it even as an adult. A part of me likes the fact that I can finish an entire book in one sitting too. Three left to go! Zach instructed me to not read The Silver Chair before bedtime because it is scary. Considering how many nightmares I usually have, that’s pretty thoughtful advice.

I’m not getting too far with my 100 miles. I’m currently on 79, but I’m not running every day and I don’t have to because I’m not officially training for anything (although, that’s coming). Last night I ran over 5 miles, and it actually was pretty easy for me. (Score!) My pace was around 11:30, which was my end pace for the last marathon. It’s cool to start off there knowing I have so much potential for improvement. Who knows, maybe I’ll do speed work this time around. I’m beginning to realize the value of it…Running is super fun when you have someone to train with.

Night we night

I feel the need to post again, although I don’t think this post will have a lot of organization to it. Tonight was my first time watching the “Night We Light” (or “Night We Night” according to the Bemidji Pioneer) parade with a boyfriend. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. Even though I didn’t get any candy, I had a nice time. I don’t care what age you are. Christmas lights are beautiful, fun, and enchanting. Yesterday was also my first time bringing a boyfriend to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner. I’m happy to say that was also a success (even if I only got second place in Quiddler). I’m now sure what this means about me. Am I growing up after all? My boyfriend and I have almost been together for a year. That wows me a little bit. Where’s my time going?

I’m using the break to recharge because I have a lot to do before the end of the semester, a lot to do over break, and a lot to do next semester. More than just for work, I’m recharging my heart and soul. I’m re-embracing my old favorite word, “efficacy,” and I’m going to start to get more done. Less talking. Less thinking. And more doing. Although I can sometimes be too nice, I’m pretty sick of being patient with people just to build my own character. Some times people need to be called out on their behavior. And I have no room in my life for the bad stuff!

I have a lot of miles left to do before Christmas. 87. I’m not sure if I can make it, but I’m not going to stop trying. The last run I had was pretty discouraging, but they’re really not all that bad.

Capable

I had an awesome run today. But I’ll admit, every run is awesome once it is over. I ran outside in the snow today for the first time in a long time. It was simply wonderful. My speed was in the normal/slow range between 11:30 and 12 minutes a mile, but I’m not at the stage of speed work yet, so I don’t have to be faster just yet. (Last time after a coupe of weeks I ended up abandoning speed work altogether, because it sucks–but I’ll give it another go this marathon. I have crazy potential, I’ve been told.) After just a couple of runs I’m already at four miles. It’s really starting to come back to me now and I bet a fun run will be 6-8 miles again in not very long. I haven’t even started official schedule training, so this is really good, for me. It was pretty warm today too. Just under 30 degrees with not that much wind. The sun was shining.

My new goal is to make 100 miles by Christmas. I have about 35 days to complete the 89 miles I have left to go. That’s about 2.5 miles a day, but hopefully I’ll be able to complete it with some rest days, especially if I go 4 miles in a run. (My goal is to run 5 miles at a time next week at least once.) 100 miles by Christmas is something my boyfriend made up to motivate me. If I complete it he will buy me the Christmas present of my dreams. It’s really just a couple items of clothing from Patagonia, but I’m excited because they have nice stuff. This was his idea. He must know me pretty well to make up a deal like that with me. He knows I’m a label whore when it comes to adventure apparel. (See last summer’s purchase of Keen Maryjanes, which cost me an entire day of work to afford…but I love them!)

When I started running a couple of weeks ago, he and I still had this deal, but it didn’t seem very achievable since 2 miles was tough. Yet, now I know I can do it. The body likes to play tricks on us, but we have to outsmart it. We’re all capable of much more than we think.

Of music and memory

Do you ever hear a song that reminds you of a different time of life? I’m having one of those moments. I’m listening to Sara Bareilles’s song “Gravity” and I can’t help thinking about a time two years ago when I would stay up half of the night listening to music and chatting with a new friend over msn. It’s weird, but hearing the music, I’m able to remember that so fluidly, so sharply like it was yesterday, yet the more I think about the memory, the farther away it seems. I’m a much different girl now than I was back then. So much has changed! So many new experiences and so many new people!

Whenever I hear “Dog Days Are Over” by Florence and the Machine I think about running. I think about last spring when I was first introduced to that song. I think about running and running and running. I think about how great that journey was and how wild and free and new everything was then too.

Another song that I’ve claimed for myself is “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid. If I’m lucky, my boyfriend will play it at open mic just for me. Sure, it’s a boy singing Disney, and all of the other girls swoon, but I know that song is just for me to smile about.

Stewarty Garten-esque

I’m cooking food for some of my favorite people and I feel pretty good. I understand that spaghetti and meatballs is not that difficult to make, but hey, I’ve never made a meatball before, and I’m basically making it up as I go. I added a secret ingredient, and I’m a little worried about it. I added Cajun sausage to the meatballs to add a bit of kick and interesting background flavor. I realize Italian sausage would have been a much safer ingredient–and I even wish that I had added that instead–but I’m anxious to see how the flavor comes out. It could be awesome and every once in a while it’s good to take risks in the kitchen. I’m waiting for the meatballs and sauce to cook. It will be almost an hour before I can work on preparing the rest of the meal.

I absolutely love the idea of entertaining. It is so Martha Stewarty. It’s so my grandma. It’s what good adult women do in my family. It’s sometimes disappointing for me though when I realize that I can’t afford all of the ingredients that I’d like to buy, fancy wine, or cloth napkins with rings. I live in a pretty cluttered (not my mess either) and crappy apartment. And I don’t have the type of place settings or dining room table that I envision for entertaining guests. I don’t even have a dining room, really. So I don’t entertain very often presently, but I dream about my Ina Garten-esque house of the future and can’t wait to invite people into my home for food and merriment.

Time to get ready for guests!

Cat

I think Cat Power is my new favorite artist. I love her voice. I love her lyrics. She knows what I’m thinking.