faster and faster

I have been meaning to write an update for a while. While I’m running, I come up with a lot of ideas for posts, but when I’m not running I’m either busy doing something else or resting. Resting has become an important part of my life. I have days when I’m going and going all day and others where I don’t do much of anything. (Although, not much of anything is actually something but I don’t think it is because my standards of activity are adjusting.)

I’m happy to say I am getting things done, at least. CNA class is good and I only have a handful of days left before I have clinicals. The History of the English Language is super frustrating–because even though I do all of my reading, I still don’t understand what I’m doing. I can tell when I’m a bad student, and I feel like I deserve what I get when I neglect to do my homework, but I have been a really great student, actually, and I still don’t get it, and I’m not excited for my 4.0 GPA to drop on the LAST class of my MA career. But, we’ll see what happens. I’m still going to try my best, but I just hope the class material suddenly blossoms to me so I can get out unscathed. I’ve even been so frustrated with this class already that I’ve thought about dropping out of the program (because I’m going to be a nurse, duh), but I can’t. I’m not a quitter. So again, let’s see what happens. Library work is heavenly as always. I will never go back to teaching, ever. I get so much done at work: basically paid to do my homework.

I’ve finished my first month of training!!! I’m proud of myself for sticking with it. This marathon is so much different than the last one. I’m harder on myself, because I know that I am capable of this sort of discipline. I don’t get the joy of reaching a new personal record every week, because I’ve already run up to 26.2 miles in one setting. My boyfriend is not training with me (although he’s training for his own goals). And my training plan is different too. Instead of running a set number of miles each day, I run a set number of minutes. It was at first a little tough for me not to count miles all of the time, but it’s getting better. I like knowing how many miles I’m doing, but I don’t always have to know. Zach still makes up my schedule, gives me a ton of encouragement, and runs with me once a week (for “long” runs). (Okay, okay, he’s pretty great, actually.) Yet, this marathon is definitely worthwhile in its own right. I have so much to prove to myself over again and I’m hoping to become faster and faster.

shots, runs, and academics

Holy cow! Have I ever been busy! Tomorrow I have four tests! My nursing assistant class is demanding, but I know I’ll get through it. I’ve been studying for that, trying my best to figure out Historical Linguistics and IPA (because everyone needs to know what an voiced alveolar fricative is). I’ve been given specific instructions not to do anymore thesis research–because I need to get my ass writing. I’m also in the process of pre-writing for one comprehensive examination (out of 2 left).

Today I ran 10 miles too. I’m training for another marathon (and another, and another) and already I’m onto double digits. It is only week four! I must say it is nice to be back. Last week was difficult because it was so cold. I ran 45 minutes on one of the coldest days and 1:50 minutes in 13 degree weather. Today it was 16 above when I ran (and I’m proud of myself because I started running before 7:30am).

Both of my arms are sore. Thanks to this nursing thing I had to get shots. I was out of date with a couple of mine, so I needed four: tetanus, tuberculosis test, influenza, and my last of the series of Hepatitis B from years ago. Lucky I had all of my MMRs. I’ll have to go in for another Mantoux and I’ll also probably have to get a chicken pox vaccine (my mom is not sure if I got it as a child, great). Yet, it’s all worth it, and definitely not as bad as it used to be. I’m starting to actually like needles. Weird, huh?

making a (quilt) bed

Today I’ve been kind of busy. I woke up at 6:30 and had a pretty intense class from 8-2. I got an A on my quiz and learned how to make a bed one side at a time (it’s kind of like quilting, you just have to figure out how the material will unfold). I worked from 5-11 and read most of that time. I brought The Eye of the World with me, but instead I read Anne of Tim Horton’s and my Nursing Assistant chapter outlines. The two programs I’m in are so different, and I am in love with them both. I hours reading sentences like,

“The preoccupation with tourism in Atlantic-Canadian literature tells us much about current economic, political, social, and cultural conditions in the region but also tells us much about tourism as an extension of an ambivalent and often imperializing globalization” (Wyile 161).

and

“Hand hygiene continues to be the primary means of preventing the transmission of infection” (OBRA 12).

Is tourism neocolonialist? Yes, yes, and yes. I love this idea and it will come into play spectacularly as I weave together the different sections of my thesis.

Also, I’m so excited to read about nursing, even if it is just basics. I’m on my way to RN-hood. And lately I’ve been wondering and hoping to work for a facility that will pay for my MSN. Yeah, I’m not even a CNA yet, but why not go that far?

Today I took a break from running because I literally didn’t have the time. It was a mandatory rest day. But, tomorrow, I will run. I’m determined to run two marathons by June.

Beginnings

Wow! What a great day and what a great tomorrow up ahead! I’ve successfully completed week 1 of marathon training 2012. My run today was kind of wonderful. I’m sure the oatmeal I ate before really fueled me. I ran almost 4.5 miles in 45 minutes, which is fast for me. And I felt great the entire time. I kept a really positive attitude too, and I think that was key. I’m grateful to be training again, actually. I’m pretty sure I thrive on structured exercise. So to my trainer/boyfriend: you win, today. My body feels good. Some times I think I’m just stumbling along, but sometimes, that’s what running is, just a lot of it, over and over. I’ve also capped off the day with hours of walking, yoga, and a bit of strength training. This year I’m going to run two marathons: Brainerd and Fargo.

Tomorrow I start my first day of my last semester as an English Masters student. I have a lot to do, but I’ll do it. I’m ready for this. Tomorrow is also my first day as a student of nursing. CNAs do very basic work, but it is a step in the right direction and I’m delighted. It’s the first step to getting my BSN. I’m a little nervous, actually, but it will turn out well. Today at church I decided that my theme for 2012 is going to be “Strength”, which means, I’m going to do things to make myself uncomfortable just to prove I’m strong enough to face my fears. This means I’m going to CNA class, I’m going rock climbing, I’m going to bible study, and I’m not going to be afraid to talk to people, and I’m going to talk to them just because I can. My happiness project is going pretty well too.

Modern Day Walden

It’s the forth day of the new year and so far I’m doing really well with staying organized and preparing for a busy semester. I’ve committed to doing a happiness project for 2012, which should keep me on task. For one of my papers last semester I had to research modern day Waldens, and after arguing that Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project is transcendental, I’ve decided to just go with it and attempt to follow the book for a year. I think it is a good book too, since it is well-researched and provides a practicable approach to being able to look at life in a more grateful way.

Yesterday as I was buying my books for my nursing assistant class, I ran into someone I went to high school with. I had hardly recognized her, but she knew my name. It was an interesting meeting because as I was finding my books she was telling me how excited she was. That’s when it occurred to me that this is probably her first time in college. (At the tech college in town, where I’m only going to get a certification to qualify to apply for a program at a university.) I agreed with her and smiled because I am also excited to be starting nursing–finally. This encounter made me realize how lucky I am, really, to have been able to go to college this long. I’m closing in on my 6th year of college and I’m planning to continue on with academics. It probably sounds stupid and elitist, but it never really occurred to me that for some people, college is a big deal at even the most basic level. It’s the difference between taking College Writing 1 as a freshman and having taught it as a grad student. At this point, it is even a little hard to conceive of what my life would be like without school. Sure I’m not going to be in college forever, and I really don’t want to be, but I don’t feel like there is anything wrong with going for me just because I want to. I have my entire life to be a responsible adult and I don’t feel like starting quite yet in the real world. After all, I don’t have any debt. I also think that after each degree I get my years spent in college calculator should start back at zero. So only two years and soon none. I’m pretty grateful to have been able to learn all of these years, follow one of my passions pretty far, and then decide to follow a much different passion.

Another one of my New Year’s resolutions is to try to get into religion again. I know that sounds like a weird goal, but being a religious person is something I want to be when I’m older, and I want to try to start now. It has been kind of a problem though, as I get busy and busy and I don’t want to add another thing to my plate and I don’t want to think about another thing in my mind, and of course there have been times where I’ve been too hungover to go to church, etc. I’m going to try harder this year though. I’m trying to commit myself to read two chapters of the Bible a day, yet I’m running into kind of a problem with this goal. I don’t feel like I’m reading it right. Okay,I can not stop reading against the grain, which is not making this fun. I want to be able to enjoy God, but honestly, sometimes reading the Bible is just frustrating.

When the Time Comes

Oh wow! I can’t believe tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. Somehow, every single year the approach of the new year surprises me. The sense of wonder, amusement, and awe at the passing of time never gets old. It’s an incredible feeling. Do other people experience time the way I do?

Before I go more into the new year, I have to look back a bit to Christmas. This is really the first year that I did holidays with a boyfriend. I have yearned for a little while to be that girl that gets taken home to see mom and dad for Christmas, and now I’ve finally found myself in that position! I’m a little scared by it, actually, but also over-joyed. My Christmases, all of them, were pretty good. Although I’ve been admittedly scroogey (because it’s really not fun to be a poor college student around Christmas), the holidays were successful. I’ve spent a lot of time with family and friends. I’ve also gotten some pretty great stuff. We didn’t have a significant amount of snow this year for the first time I can remember. So I guess that is part of why it was so hard for me to get in the spirit this year. I really didn’t feel good about Christmas until I was in Baudette at my boyfriend’s family’s house. They don’t get to see each other as often and don’t take it for granted like seeing family is for me. Experiencing the delight they had being together made me think about the holiday in a different light.

I’ve paid for classes now. I’ve also bought books for one of them ($150, isn’t that ridiculous?). I’m getting ready to go back to school and thinking about my plan for the semester. I’ve been cooking up my next comp, and I’m excited to write about it when the time comes. I’m going to take a post-colonial look at The Chronicles of Narnia series. It should be awesome. I feel good about everything I”m about to accomplish in the coming semester. I’ll finish my Master’s in English, get my Nursing Assistant certification, work at the library, write a thesis, and train for another marathon.

As for New Year’s, I haven’t really written down a list of goals or resolutions yet. I usually do this. I think it will be a good year for me though. After all, why wouldn’t it?

Cannot understand why

So I’ve finally got the yucky sickness that I felt creeping around in my body. It started out as a wine hangover (I know, super classy. How proud I am to write that…) and has lasted for three days now. Yet, I’m not still hungover of course. That just weakened my system enough to let the sickness take over. Now I can feel that my sinuses are plugged. I have the usual sinus headache thing going on. I’m sure I would feel better if it wasn’t so dry in my apartment and if I finally got my medicine back on track for a couple of regular weeks. I had a bit of a problem getting this month’s pituitary medicine, which has actually screwed with me a lot. I don’t know why I should be so surprised about it. I need them for a reason. Yet, sometimes it is easy to forget why I do because I’ve never actually seen my own tumor. (I think that may be the first time I’ve used a possessive term for it.)

I sort of had an argument with my grandpa today. My mom and I were visiting him for Christmas and he started saying something about how when I get married my husband will be my boss. Of course I told him that would never happen. (I think my grandpa is starting to get a little crazy in his old age, btw. I thought he was joking, but clearly he was serious about this.) After a couple of minutes of going back and forth he then said it would be in my marriage vows to obey my husband so I’d have to do it. I replied that this wasn’t true because people write their own marriage vows all of the time. He replied, “We’ll it’s in the Bible. If you believe in the Bible you have to believe in it.” My mom interrupted us at this time, thank goodness. It’s hard for me to believe that he really thought this, but I think he did. I know I wasn’t supposed to argue with him (and my mom told me scolded me for it later because it will “raise his blood pressure”) but I couldn’t just sit and let him tell me that. His opinion is wrong on so many levels and goes against a few basic fundamental principles of mine. I don’t think he is very proud of me for not being married and for getting a Master’s degree in English and still be going on for more education. I’m not really sure how to handle situations with him, actually. Yet, that’s one of the problems I have with religious people. I know his opinion is pretty extreme, but others do agree with him and I just cannot understand why.

labyrinth of education

I’ve had break for almost a week now and I still haven’t gotten the time I need to crash and recharge, which will be totally crucial for me. By crashing I mean at least one day maybe two where all I do is rest. Stay in bed all day and for once don’t feel guilty about it. I haven’t had one of these days in a long time, and as much as I pretend to not need them, I totally do once and a while. It’s the two speeds concept. In order for me to run at my normal high speed, I need to also take a few moments at my low speed. I can feel myself getting sick. I think I’m due for the flu soon and I really need to get over that before Christmas festivities begin, which is only a week from yesterday and I have nothing wrapped. I almost have everything bought, at least, and I usually have a long list including nephews, boyfriends, and roommates.

I did something totally worthwhile or totally crazy (and often those are not mutually exclusive–at least for me). Next semester, along with writing my thesis and finishing my Master’s degree, I will be taking another class to become a certified nursing assistant! That will be the first step of my nursing education, and it’s also crucial to getting into a BSN program. (I’m really looking into the U of Wyoming and UND although, but I’m for sure on taking an accelerated BSN program. It just makes the most sense for me. Unless I some how magically get free credit somewhere else.) It will be a busy semester for me. A couple of times I will be getting off work at 11pm and being at class by 8am, but I’ll be okay, mostly because I just want to do this. (Thank you mom and dad for financing my crazy dreams of a labyrinth of education.)

Other than that I’m just waiting for my grades to come in from last semester. I’ve just checked and I already have at least one A.

12 Bars of Christmas (Second Annual)

Yesterday I had two great adventures. Since there is not much ice, and since it hasn’t snowed in quite a while, my boyfriend and I biked around the lake again. It was a lot of fun, although pretty cold and windy. My feet especially were quite cold and I was a little bit afraid of getting frostbite on my toes. They were one of the only parts of my body that I could actually feel the cold. The other part was my forehead. When we went through the state park, we approached my cold toes creatively. I took my shoes off, put plastic (dog shit!) bags on my feet, and then put my bagged feet back in my shoes. My feet were still cold for the rest of the ride, but I think the bags did help the wind from reaching my feet and at least my feet didn’t get any colder. When I was finally able to take my shoes off in the warmth of my apartment, I couldn’t believe how badly my feet hurt. Yet, being able to bike around the Lavinia neighborhood and dream about housing possibilities with my favorite person in the world made the cold worth it.

The other part of the day I went to the second annual 12 Bars of Christmas. I didn’t drink at all of the bars because I knew if I did I would most definitely be puking or passed out on the floor. But At each bar I did drink something even if it was a glass of water. I think I ended up drinking alcohol at 7/12 bars, and that’s why it’s good that this occasion only comes around once a year. I was able to see people that I haven’t hung out with in some time and that was lovely!

I’m sure you are wondering if I was tragically hungover this morning, and I’m very happy to tell you that I wasn’t. I slept in until about 10 and tandem-biked to Subway for the traditional Subway Brunch that is crucial to 12 Bar recovery. Then this afternoon I worked a shift at the library where I completed the Comprehensive Exam I’ve been working on for a while. I’m totally done with homework and work for the semester. I don’t have to work again until the 6th (and I still get paid) and I only have 1 class, 1 thesis, and 2 exams left until graduation. I pretty much rock.

Pleased

I’m proud to tell you I was one of the only two people to turn in their papers in class last night (out of a class of 15). No extensions here! I had a pretty long day though. 8 hours of working on my paper + 4 hours of class + a 4 mile run. Yet, I feel really great about it. This is what I have left to do before I graduate (with my MASTERS in English at the age of 23…):

- 8 pages + 5 pages left of Creative Non Fiction
- The English Language (3 credits)
-5 pages x 3
-50 pages (at least) of Thesis
-Thesis defense.

Yay! That’s not very much at all. I’m pretty pleased.

Also, there is another thing I’m pleased about that I keep on forgetting to post. I got hair feathers put in! After much consideration, I decided to join the trend. What really got me into it was my friend Lyla. She has the most beautiful feathers in, and she always reminds me that hair matters. So alas, I spent a wonderful afternoon at the salon a couple of weeks ago.

Notice no glasses. I still don’t feel like they are a part of my face.